Death

Death Of An Acquaintance

Death is an all around sorrowful subject but what do you do when someone you only “kinda” knew, dies? You know how to react when a loved one dies; it’s instant, a reflex. But when you just know someone from school or work it’s a completely different feeling. You may have had a conversation or two with them. You may have known little useless facts about them. You don’t think much about them. But once you hear of their passing you don’t want to believe it. “No, they’re not dead. I just had class with them. I had talked to them.” You almost feel this bittersweet guilt because you didn’t think about them much. You feel like you should have gotten to know them more. If you had been friends with them, how would your life had changed? Would they have died so soon? But overall you don’t really know how to feel. It’s not horribly sad because, of course, you weren’t close to them. But the sorrow is still there. And when they commit suicide it’s a different story. You didn’t know they were sad or depressed or felt like there was no way out. You search your brain to see if you remember if there were any signs but you can’t remember much. And this makes you more frustrated. If you had reached out just a little could you have saved them? If you had paid more attention could you have helped? Or were they past the point of help? You’ll never know now.

Rest in peace, Curtis.

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Death

Life After Death

Life after the death of a loved one is truly bittersweet. They leave us and it feels like our world has turned dark and is crumbling around us. We think there will be no sense of normalcy anymore. But we go outside and, to our surprise, the sun dares to shine and people are going about their day-to-day business. You turn on the TV and the actors still smile and laugh. They never knew this person and will never know that they died. You realize that a lot of people will never know this amazing person or even that they’re not with us anymore. Then you realize that YOU will never get to see them again. You wake up the next day and, for a few short moments, you think nothing’s changed and everything is normal. But then it all comes rushing back and your world crumbles down all over again. And you feel guilty for forgetting. For being happy without them. As if you were that actor or that person walking down the street, going about your business as if nothing in the world has changed. And you still need to live day-to-day even though your loved one doesn’t get to.

Rest in peace, Uncle Chris.

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Death

The Rules and Restrictions of Death

I don’t like the fact that there’s a certain time period after someone dies that you can be happy again. Like you don’t know when you can start laughing at a stupid joke and singing along to your favorite silly song again. It could be a few days or weeks but if you do it too early everyone will look at you like you’re this heartless bitch. I’m sorry but after I die and I’m in Heaven or the afterlife or whatever you wish to believe and I get to see my funeral, I don’t want it to be sad. Okay, I’d be a little pissed if nobody was at least a little upset. Everyone needs that little boost to their ego, even after they die. But as it went on I would want everyone to start reminiscing about the fun times we had and laughing at the stupid stuff I did. By the end of the day I want them to be happy and full of nostalgia.

There is always going to be a grieving period. Death is inevitable. Grief is inevitable. But you can choose when the grieving stops. Take my own experience for example: A girl I worked with had passed away and you could feel it in the air for the next couple days. It was full of tension and sadness. After awhile it started getting back to normal a little and I would say things like, “Oh my god, I almost DIED!” and “Oh, I’m going to kill you!” and I’d freeze and look around the room frantically to see if it was socially acceptable. I was even afraid to mention her name, which is ridiculous! You want to remember the person because they’re not here anymore. And if you don’t and all you think about is them dying then that’s all you will remember them by. It will be like they were here, they died, and that’s it. And I find that more disrespectful than being happy after they died.

And I really don’t like the term, “Show some respect for the dead.” No. Act like you did before I died. If you didn’t respect me then, don’t do it now just because I’m dead. It shouldn’t change your opinion of me just because I’m gone. I hate that people who don’t even bat an eye at you while you’re alive will come to your funeral with (crocodile) tears in their eyes and say how much they’ll miss you and how they wish the could’ve spent more time with you. This is also the time that the true feelings come out. People say how they truly felt about you or reveal secrets that they’ve kept. (This also happens when someone’s on their death bed.) I get this to an extent. I, myself can be a coward when it comes to the truth. But I think everyone deserves to know the truth, whether it be good or bad news. As cheesy as it sounds, I believe everyone should live like they’re dying or a loved one is dying. It may be sad to think about but it’s better to get everything out in the open now and not to a room of their loved ones while you’re choking back tears and regretting never saying it.

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