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Abortion – Everyone’s Least Favorite Topic

I’m going to talk about an extremely taboo topic: abortion. So if you don’t feel like getting into such an extreme topic, the little red ‘x’ is right there. This has to be one of the most, if not THE most dangerous topic to bring up… anywhere. Whether it be with a colleague or as a topic of debate. In fact, in my Oral Communications class in high school, we were allowed to choose our debate topics and the teacher said the only one we couldn’t do was abortion. I understood. We would never end the debate in the limited amount of time we had. It wouldn’t have been Oral Communications anymore, rather Oral Arguing. Because that’s how these conversations usually end: With people getting louder and louder and talking over the other, trying to get their point across.
In case you were wondering, I’m Pro Choice. Now, some people who are extremely against abortion probably just heard me say, “I KILL BABIES! Now fight with me because I’m bored and I like to upset you.” It may seem like I’m making fun of people who are Pro Life but I’m really not. I have had discussions with people like that. One of my closest friends is Conservative and traditional so, naturally, she is against it. But when I tried to explain to her about my views she kept yelling, “You kill babies!” So I got frustrated and stopped talking. (That’s a lie, I told her to shut the eff up and that the conversation was over, but I digress.)
Okay, so here are my views on this scary topic: I do not like the idea of abortion. It’s scary and sad and it has given people who have gone through it nightmares and emotional problems. It’s not fun for anybody. “So why do it?” you ask. There are different reasons for getting an abortion. To list a few: Teen pregnancy, rape, pregnancy complications, incest, financial problems, etc. A common misconception is that Pro Choice people are Pro Abortion. This is not true. Being Pro Choice is saying that you think a woman should have the right to do with what she wants to her own body. That, if she had to make the horrible choice to have an abortion, it was HER choice.
There is a lot of debate on this subject because some people call it murder and others say that making it illegal to get an abortion is trying to control women’s bodies. I, for one, would much rather a woman go to a clinic and get it done professionally rather than try to terminate a pregnancy herself. Which is what some women do when they truly can’t go through with a pregnancy but have no way of stopping it, at least in a clean, legal way.
I get that it seems completely immoral and wrong to essentially kill a defenseless baby. I get that it is against some people’s religions. And I get that the baby could have grown up to be a great person. But here’s the thing: Reminding the poor girl that has decided to go through with it of all of these things and making her feel worse than she already does is NOT the answer. It most likely won’t change her mind and you’re just reminding her of things that she already knows. There are women that feel so bad that they kill themselves not too long after. And for those of you that say things like, “Good, she deserves it for killing a baby that couldn’t defend itself.” get the hell out of my face. Yes, there are some people out there that use abortion as a form of birth control and that is not right. I don’t condone that. That is an example of someone being irresponsible and they should not be able to do that. But there are legitimate reasons for getting an abortion, as the ones I previously listed.
There are people who say that those who get abortions just shouldn’t have sex. I don’t think this is true. Having sex is a part of relationships for some people. It’s what they choose to do for intimacy and I believe they should be able to do it. So long as they’re taking every precaution. But sometimes those precautions don’t work so well and the woman becomes pregnant. That is when the couple discuss the options they have, mainly: Raise the child, put it up for adoption, or, sadly, abortion. And the choice is up to THEM. Sometimes you get those family members that say things like, “But you’ve taken away my chance of being a grandma.” or the ones that guilt you by saying, “I didn’t abort you.” This is just plain wrong. This is like those people reminding them that it’s killing a baby or that they’ll go to hell, but it’s worse because it’s their own family. The people they’re supposed to go to when they’re upset.
One other thing I don’t condone is when the woman could go through with the pregnancy (no health risks) and the boyfriend/friend/husband said they would pay for it and raise it, and the woman doesn’t even consider it. They need to know that this baby is half theirs, too. This is why communication is key and they should talk about it. If the father wants this baby but the mother doesn’t, they should discuss the pros and cons of having this baby and maybe having only the father raise it. But, in the end, it’s really the woman’s final say because it is her body. And if the father says he’d raise it but changes his mind halfway through, then what? Some would say that she should put it up for adoption. But sometimes it’s even harder for her to do that than to abort it, as odd as it sounds. My sister got pregnant at 17 and she knew right away that she was either going to raise it or abort it. She barely knew her dad growing up and it made her feel unloved or that there was something wrong with her. She didn’t want her child feeling the way she did.
Another thing I don’t like that people do is scold the woman after she’s done it. They tell her she killed a baby and that that baby could’ve grown up to find a cure for cancer. News flash: It’s already done and over with. You making her feel bad isn’t going to reverse it. Oh sure, you think you’re educating her in the hopes that she’ll never do it again and have lots of kids and see the error of her ways when in reality you’re making it worse. And saying that the baby could find a cure for cancer is a load of bull. Yes, they might have, but what if that woman wanted to pursue a career in science and later on she would have found the cure but she couldn’t because she was forced to have this baby when she couldn’t afford it so she didn’t go to college and was stuck at a dead end job?
In the end, you just can’t change people’s minds sometimes. You can give them all of the facts, proof laid right out in front of them and they will do the mental equivalent of sticking their fingers in their ears and going, “Lalala!” All I can hope is that people at the very least aren’t cruel about it. That they remember that not all people share their views/religion. That they can try to ‘educate’ them but they need to realize that in the end it is the WOMAN’S choice and they need to respect that. And remember that the woman’s choice does not affect them in any way so don’t act so offended or treat them any different.

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It’s A Man’s World (Apparently)

I am getting tired of having female characters in movies existing primarily for the bad guy to capture/hurt/kill them so the main man is weakened. Just so he can ‘avenge’ her or whatever. It’s offensive to have these women used as plot devices for the man’s story line to get ‘interesting’ or have ‘action’ or make him look like a ‘lover not a fighter’ even though he goes after the bad guy and hurts/kills him because he oh-so easily took his woman from him.
Want to know what else I’m sick of? When the female tries to help the main guy fight the bad guy and the bad guy slaps her and she falls to the ground, unconscious. Like, is that a good representation of women? Teach them that, “Sure, you can TRY to help out but it will be fruitless. But it’s the thought that counts, honey.” There are few movies that I’ve seen where the girl gets right back up and keeps fighting. They are either down for the count or they don’t even try anymore. I find myself acting like a person watching a horror film; screaming at the screen, “Get up! Get up!”
Sure, we have recently been given many more female leads that are strong and independent. But how long has it taken to have that become the norm? Where a female is equally as common as a male hero? Well, that’s like asking the world to make same sex couples as common as heterosexual couples on TV: Nearly impossible, even in the 21st century. Growing up, I idolized people like Mulan or Pocahontas whilst watching Disney movies, P!nk when listening to music, and my mother during everything else. These were the strongest, most brave people I knew. They didn’t take ‘no’ for an answer and stood up for what they believed in. I loved that this was even possible because, as a little girl, I was so used to hearing things like, “You can’t do that! You’re just a girl!” or “Leave that to the boys.” Now, that’s quite common amongst little kids since boys aren’t really taught about gender norms and how they can be different for everybody. They just automatically think boys are the strongest, bravest, and most likely to be the hero. I say it’s common amongst little boys so you can see my frustration when I see that it’s also quite common years later. That, even though these boys are mature enough to know that, male or female, we can do what we set our minds to, they choose to think like their six-year-old selves.


Death Of An Acquaintance

Death is an all around sorrowful subject but what do you do when someone you only “kinda” knew, dies? You know how to react when a loved one dies; it’s instant, a reflex. But when you just know someone from school or work it’s a completely different feeling. You may have had a conversation or two with them. You may have known little useless facts about them. You don’t think much about them. But once you hear of their passing you don’t want to believe it. “No, they’re not dead. I just had class with them. I had talked to them.” You almost feel this bittersweet guilt because you didn’t think about them much. You feel like you should have gotten to know them more. If you had been friends with them, how would your life had changed? Would they have died so soon? But overall you don’t really know how to feel. It’s not horribly sad because, of course, you weren’t close to them. But the sorrow is still there. And when they commit suicide it’s a different story. You didn’t know they were sad or depressed or felt like there was no way out. You search your brain to see if you remember if there were any signs but you can’t remember much. And this makes you more frustrated. If you had reached out just a little could you have saved them? If you had paid more attention could you have helped? Or were they past the point of help? You’ll never know now.

Rest in peace, Curtis.


Life After Death

Life after the death of a loved one is truly bittersweet. They leave us and it feels like our world has turned dark and is crumbling around us. We think there will be no sense of normalcy anymore. But we go outside and, to our surprise, the sun dares to shine and people are going about their day-to-day business. You turn on the TV and the actors still smile and laugh. They never knew this person and will never know that they died. You realize that a lot of people will never know this amazing person or even that they’re not with us anymore. Then you realize that YOU will never get to see them again. You wake up the next day and, for a few short moments, you think nothing’s changed and everything is normal. But then it all comes rushing back and your world crumbles down all over again. And you feel guilty for forgetting. For being happy without them. As if you were that actor or that person walking down the street, going about your business as if nothing in the world has changed. And you still need to live day-to-day even though your loved one doesn’t get to.

Rest in peace, Uncle Chris.

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I recently got into an argument with a peer of mine. She was using the word “prostitute” in the context of “Oh, you prostitute!” when she lost at cards. I asked her why she was using it in a derogatory way and she said because prostitutes are the lowest of the low. That that is the most disgusting thing you could be. This really upset me so I gave her a scenario: What if someone was a mom with rent due tomorrow and if she couldn’t get the money by tomorrow she and her child would be homeless and her child would starve. And the only way to pay was to sell herself for the night. But she was being as safe as she could be (being with someone who wasn’t dangerous, using protection, and no drug use involved) and it was completely consensual. She said it didn’t matter; that you should never try to justify something so disgusting. This really rubbed me the wrong way.
I believe that you should never judge someone so much from just hearing one aspect of their life. Let’s pause for a moment and name off a few things: Drug use/History of drug use, had an abortion, sleeps around, prostitution. Now, if you heard someone (whom you’ve never met) had done one or more of these things you would automatically judge them. Maybe not outright, but in the back of your mind you DO NOT approve. Which I don’t blame anyone for doing so. Because in our society those things are frowned upon so we are taught to not condone them. But I believe we should be patient, not jump to conclusions, and wait to hear the whole story.
In my opinion, if you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place, and you need to keep your family, or even just yourself warm and fed, you should work as hard as you can to make it happen. It’s better than not having a job and just sitting around, waiting for the bill collectors to come. Now, I’m not saying that if you’re in a difficult position you should just go to the nearest street corner. But if that is at your disposal and you’re being smart about it, go ahead. No one should judge you for it.
I tried to explain this to my peer by comparing it to abortion. Saying that I am pro-choice but I would never have an abortion. Just like I would probably never be a prostitute but I’m not against it, other than the fact that it’s illegal. That didn’t go over well. She just kept saying I like to kill babies. So, of course, you will never change everyone’s mind on issues like this, but I would like to have this heard. This isn’t far from slut-shaming a girl who wears revealing clothes or someone who has had sex many times with many people.
So just because someone has a job ill-fit in society or does something that may seem judge worthy doesn’t mean they don’t deserve respect.


The Rules and Restrictions of Death

I don’t like the fact that there’s a certain time period after someone dies that you can be happy again. Like you don’t know when you can start laughing at a stupid joke and singing along to your favorite silly song again. It could be a few days or weeks but if you do it too early everyone will look at you like you’re this heartless bitch. I’m sorry but after I die and I’m in Heaven or the afterlife or whatever you wish to believe and I get to see my funeral, I don’t want it to be sad. Okay, I’d be a little pissed if nobody was at least a little upset. Everyone needs that little boost to their ego, even after they die. But as it went on I would want everyone to start reminiscing about the fun times we had and laughing at the stupid stuff I did. By the end of the day I want them to be happy and full of nostalgia.

There is always going to be a grieving period. Death is inevitable. Grief is inevitable. But you can choose when the grieving stops. Take my own experience for example: A girl I worked with had passed away and you could feel it in the air for the next couple days. It was full of tension and sadness. After awhile it started getting back to normal a little and I would say things like, “Oh my god, I almost DIED!” and “Oh, I’m going to kill you!” and I’d freeze and look around the room frantically to see if it was socially acceptable. I was even afraid to mention her name, which is ridiculous! You want to remember the person because they’re not here anymore. And if you don’t and all you think about is them dying then that’s all you will remember them by. It will be like they were here, they died, and that’s it. And I find that more disrespectful than being happy after they died.

And I really don’t like the term, “Show some respect for the dead.” No. Act like you did before I died. If you didn’t respect me then, don’t do it now just because I’m dead. It shouldn’t change your opinion of me just because I’m gone. I hate that people who don’t even bat an eye at you while you’re alive will come to your funeral with (crocodile) tears in their eyes and say how much they’ll miss you and how they wish the could’ve spent more time with you. This is also the time that the true feelings come out. People say how they truly felt about you or reveal secrets that they’ve kept. (This also happens when someone’s on their death bed.) I get this to an extent. I, myself can be a coward when it comes to the truth. But I think everyone deserves to know the truth, whether it be good or bad news. As cheesy as it sounds, I believe everyone should live like they’re dying or a loved one is dying. It may be sad to think about but it’s better to get everything out in the open now and not to a room of their loved ones while you’re choking back tears and regretting never saying it.


The solution to low self-esteem is simple

But there’s something I like to do and I think others should as well. It’s called: ‘Not giving a shit!’ Seriously, just not caring what everyone thinks of you because usually the people who disapprove are the ones who you really don’t care about anyway. I know it’s hard to do. You could start your day off by looking in the mirror and thinking, “Yeah, I look hot today. Anyone would be lucky to date me!” And then you walk into that high school and you see one girl that has a cuter outfit. Okay, that’s fine, you still look good, regardless. Then you see another one but she’s in really good shape and you think that she can wear her clothes with confidence because they don’t show any fat. So you put on a jacket to cover your stomach just in case. Then there’s a girl that’s not wearing any make-up and looks gorgeous. You’re wearing make-up and you’re still not as pretty as her so you put on your sunglasses. And all of a sudden you’re hiding in the corner of your class, covered up and hoping no one notices you for the rest of the day. You went from expecting people to stare and gawk at you to wanting to be invisible. Your opinion of yourself changed within a few minutes just because you cared about other people’s opinions of you. 

I like to be the person that always makes fun of themselves and that (ironically) thinks I’m all that and a bag of chips. Ironically because…I’m really not. But this makes every day fun. Like most, there are many things I don’t like about myself, but I don’t go around moping about it. I’ll make jokes about my weight and when I’m wearing a particularly cute outfit I don’t hesitate to tell people how adorable I look. People should be comfortable enough to at least do that. To be able to laugh at themselves and accept the way they look and roll with it instead of doing a million things to change themselves. I’m a particularly lazy person and this arrangement seems a lot easier to me. (Plus, worrying makes you break out and that’s just one more thing to hate about yourself.)